Management Lessons - Part II

Scene 6
The secret is finally revealed. On the first day God created the cow. God said, "You must go to field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life span of sixty years." The cow said, "That's a kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty years and I'll give back the other forty." and God agreed.

On the second day, God created the dog. God said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of twenty years." The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I'll give back the other ten." so God agreed.

On the third day God created the monkey. God said, "Entertain people, do monkey tricks, make them laugh. I'll give you a twenty year life span." Monkey said, "How boring, monkey tricks for twenty years? I don't think so. Dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too, okay?" and God agreed again.

On the fourth day God created man. God said, "Eat, sleep, play, enjoy & worship god. Do nothing, just enjoy & worship god. I'll give you twenty years." Man said, "What? Only twenty years? No way, man. Tell you what, I'll take my twenty, and the forty cow gave back, and the ten dog gave back and the ten monkey gave back. That makes eighty, okay?" "Okay," said God. "You've got a deal."

Management Lesson:
So that is why for the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, enjoy and do nothing; for the next forty years we slave in the sun to support ourfamily; for the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain our grandchildren; and for the last ten years we sit in front of the house and bark at everybody. In all these stages, we forget to worship god for his grace on us.

Scene 7
When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said, "I should be Boss because I control the whole body's responses and functions."
The feet said, "We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go." The hands said, "We should be the boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."

And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until finally the a**hole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the a**hole being the Boss. So the a**hole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work. Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered. Eventually they all decided that the a**hole should be the Boss, and so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit!

Management Lesson:
You don't need brains to be a Boss - any a**hole will do.

Scene 8
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing overwhich one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands John, the next-door neighbour.
Before she says a word, John says, "I'll give you $1000 to drop that towel that you have on"
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of John. After a few seconds, John hands her $1000 and leaves.
Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower,
"Who was that?"
"It was John the next door neighbour," she replies.
"Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $1000 he owes me?"

Management Lesson:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk in a timely fashion with your stakeholders, you may be in a position toprevent avoidable exposure.

Scene 9
A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke.
The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one."
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone.
In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endlesssupply of pina coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Management Lesson:
Always let your boss have the first say.

Scene 10
A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road, he stopped and offered her a lift, which she accepted. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg. The priest had a look and nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and immediately said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand.

Changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" Once again the priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."

Arriving at the convent, the nun got out gave him a meaningful glance and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up Psalm 129.

It Said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Management Lesson:
Always be well informed in your job, or you might miss a great opportunity.